|
[March 3rd 2007|10.15pm] |
arghh fuck
i dont know what is wrong with me. Im sitting here - crying at my computer.
I just hate myself so much now - but its more than what i look like, as if that wasnt bad enough, i just hate who. i. am.
I really just need someone i can vent to - but i dont have anyone - ...
if i even try and speak to one of my friends i know i will bring up the whole eating disorder and i dont want them to know.
All i have is this stupid journal and whoever is going to bother reading it.
I just need someone.
Anyone.
who understands maybe? someone who knows how i feel
i dont know
i dont know anything anymore
|
|
|
[February 4th 2007|8.58pm] |
|
saturday was AMAZING...
|
|
|
[February 3rd 2007|1.15am] |
im going to the cinema with justin tomorrow............!
you guys dont know who justin is but i dont care
this is the first time i have ever been alone with him....
maybe the secret hugs and hand holding might turn into something more?
im still at a complete loss as to why he would even like me though. i thinks its the whole ed thing. you get used to putting yourself down in the weight aspect of your life and then you put yourself down in every aspect of your life...
but i dont want to think about that now.
i know its childish and silly-little-girly... but im excited about going to the cinema with him. And i dont care what anyone else thinks.
X
|
|
|
[January 1st 2007|12.33am] |
I say this every year but I will do well.
This will be the year...
|
|
|
[December 3rd 2006|6.20pm] |
euuuugh
i have the feeling in the back of my throught (i cant spell) as if i have just threw up. its horrible and it. wont. go. away.
grrrrr
im having a bit of a dilema. i think one of my friends my have an eating disorder and i dont know what to do.
in maths the other day, after we had finished a test, we were told to practice for our next test so we were half revising half chatting. She was writing something in her jotter and because of the way she was sitting i could see a bit of what she was writing. it was something like
coffee 20
apple 10
tea 20
diet coke 0.3
water x3 0
need to go to gym
and when she turned around to face me she saw me kind of looking at it and turned her jotter the other way and acted normally.
I dont know if she is just trying to lose a few pounds (we have a winter ball coming up) or if she has an eating disorder. At lunch she hasnt been eating and the fact that she was doing this in the middle of class suggests she does. I often feel the need to write down all that i have eaten and count it all up and all that.
but what should i do? confront her now? confront her when i am sure? tell her sister? do nothing about it?
i really feel that i should tell her sister, but a few times she (the one i think has an ed) has mentioned how skinny her sister is, and i get the impression that she feels that she is in competition with her.
what do i do?!?!
|
|
|
[November 19th 2006|7.27pm] |
whoa dont even ask me how the whole "no eating for a week" thing went
my grandparents came up on thur till sun and you know, their grandparent - they were NOT going to let me not eat
buttt they bought me a computer
still doesnt make up for the whole eating like a pig all week thing =/ =/ =/ =/
ive just watched an episode of the simpsons - the one where lisa has an eating disorder and im trying to find a picture on the internet of one of those anorexic models on the runway because it made me smile, or any pictures from that episode
can anyone help me?
thanks a bunch if you can.... =)
|
|
| good morning |
[November 13th 2006|6.51am] |
|
i got up really early this morning because i couldnt sleep and now i cant keep my eyes open?!? whats up with that? well sticking to my plan im going to only have coffee, tea, and water today and im pretty sure i can stick to it. aaaargggh i cant stop sneezing. its annoying the shit out of me! anyway im off to have another coffee to try and keep myself awake and then im off to school...fuuck
|
|
| baaah |
[November 12th 2006|9.13pm] |
baaah is my new facourite word
im blowing off my homework to go on this. i seriously cant be bothered any more. note just homework. anything. baaaah
i wont be on this for a week because i will be at my mums and she doesnt have a computer, but soon - hopefully. baaaaah (!) i cant be arsed with anything..... and the only way to describe how i am feeling is
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
|
|
| the plan |
[November 12th 2006|5.34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
for the next week at least im not going to eat anything as much as i possibly can, and if i have to eat something, a piece of fruit. coffee in the morning. a piece of fruit for lunch if i have to and a bottle of water and in the evening more water and if my mum gets suspicious, as she probobly will because she's got this thing going on where we always sit and eat tea together, absolute hell, because she's watching me like a hawk the whole time, anyway if she gets suspicious i will eat some fruit or make up some excuse about having a big lunch or im not feeling well or i dont like that... bahhh. theres a christmas disco at the school that im going to that i desperatly need to lose weight for because the pictures are going in the yearbook. i cant get out of it and its annoying me. if anybody has any good excersises that i can do at home (because i cant get to the gym a lot and when i do i feel self-concious, more than usual, and i hate it) i feel more comfortable alone in my room...
|
|
| my first post |
[November 11th 2006|5.18pm] |
hi this is my first post and i doubt anyone will read this as i have no friends right now. im helen, 16 and overweight (10 lbs overweight according to scientists but what do they know?) i want to be 120 or 115 lbs and i need support to do this so i would like to be friends with people who have the same stats as me
5'6
16 years old
cw 165
1gw 150
2gw 135
3gw 125
4gw 120
final gw 115
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mymissingpeace's journal